Looking for love the vintage way
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Written by cjhammon in Books | Music | Art | Culture, Life in Yesterday's Clothes, Style
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Wouldn’t you think that the boundaries around love and courtship have grown more lax over time? Well, it turns out that finding love has been much more erratic than that.
In the Victorian age, conduct between men and women was so strict that women wore six to eight layers of clothes to conceal their bodies. Using the word “leg” in mixed company was scandalous. To avoid the indelicacy, the leg of a piano or chair was referred to as a “limb.”
The beginning of the personal ad
Rules for mixing with the opposite sex were so stringent that personal ads and matchmaking services were common from the middle to late 19th century. Once you ran through your personal contacts, you couldn’t just strike up a conversation with someone off the street. That’s why people from the urban working class turned to personal ads. Consider this plucky classified ad from the later part of the 19th century:
“A young widow, unencumbered, would accept friendship of refined, temperate, elderly gentleman of means, matrimonially inclined. Seamstress. 265 Herald, 23rd Street Branch.”
Nice gig if you can get it, sister, but personally, I’d rather have true love than a sugar daddy to help me pay the bills. Internet dating doesn’t seem half as revolutionary now that I know about 19th century classified ads.
Bundled together
And the 2012 teen pregnancy rate of seven percent? Well, that’s not even close to the number of pregnant teens during the 1760s, when 40 percent of brides were pregnant before marriage. Sex before marriage got a big boost from bundling, an odd practice intended to preserve the start of families.
Here’s how it worked: parents invited their daughter’s suitor to spend the night with her—in their home—possibly with a Bible or piece of wood to separate them. (Ha!) If things got out of hand, well…too bad, so sad. The guy was on the hook for marriage. With plenty of witnesses and documentation to their union, he could be sued if he later abandoned her.
I learned all this and more from a radio history program, which featured interviews with Pam Epstein and Beth Bailey. Epstein is a history professor at Rutgers University who blogs at Advertising for Love. Bailey is a history professor at Temple University and author of From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in 20th Century America.
One thing is clear from the scholars: dating and courtship traditions have fluctuated wildly through the ages. In one decade, “going steady” was outlawed by high schools; in another, dating was a popularity game where young people learned to compete or traded love with reckless abandon.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends! How did you meet your Valentine? What’s the best way for young people to meet today?
Life is short. Wear the good stuff.
8 comments
February 14, 2013 at 6:32 pm
Wow! I had no idea that the times we’re now living in could be considered, in some quarters, ‘conservative’!
Thanks for a very interesting post.
Cheers,
April
February 14, 2013 at 8:32 pm
Me, too! Thanks, April!
February 14, 2013 at 11:17 pm
What a fun and (educational post). I always found it humorous during the Elizabethan Era that the woman could show their bosoms but never their elbows.
I met my wonderful valentine on the ski slopes of Utah.
My husband and I currently work with Young Single Adults from the ages of 18-31, I have found the best and most popular way for them to meet is through social connections (school activities, religious activities, etc.) They’re a fun, exciting, talented group of kids but I’m grateful to be 50.
February 15, 2013 at 10:31 am
I’m not sure if this story is apocryphal or not, but your post reminds me of the story about Winston Churchill:
There was a dinner in Virginia, when the butler came around with the chicken and asked Churchill which piece of the bird he would like. He said, “I’d like breast.” Whereupon the woman next to him said, “Mr Churchill, in this country we say white meat or dark meat.”
The next day she got a corsage of flowers, saying, “Pin this on your white meat!”
February 15, 2013 at 9:44 pm
I first glimpsed my Valentine-to-be at a church service in Middle Tennessee walking down the aisle to lead prayer. He was smartly dressed in a navy pin stripped suit. I incorrectly assumed that anyone as handsome as he would already be married. We didn’t meet for several years but I never forgot that “enchanted evening” when I saw him “across a crowded room”.
February 19, 2013 at 4:38 pm
I had never heard that story. It just goes to show you we should never pre-judge, should we? I’m so glad you two met, because you make an awesome team!
February 19, 2013 at 4:38 pm
Simply hilarious! You made my day with that one!
February 19, 2013 at 4:40 pm
Boy, do I ever know what you mean, Trina! It’s a whole new world. Do you have kids yourself? Another friend of mine met her husband on the slopes! It must be a good place to fall.