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***If it’s as cold as it is tonight, this vintage wool dress could be perfect for the outdoor wedding I plan to attend Easter weekend.***
Learning the difference between wants and needs is Finance 101. Until we complete that course, we’ll be forever tortured by material things that seem to shout or whisper, “Buy me.” Trust me. I know.
Shopping can become an addiction as crippling as any other. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, work, clothes or food, all addictions come from a place of craving, lack and emptiness. And who among us can’t relate to that? We can choose to listen to a different voice.
Here are four simple questions to ask when you’re about to make a choice that supports an addiction.
- What am I feeling right now?
- Is this a want or a need?
- Is there a healthier alternative that will make me feel better in the long run?
- What will happen if I let this craving pass without reacting to it?
There will never be enough alcohol, food, clothes or work to satisfy the hole in our hearts. Until we answer those questions, we’ll remain hungry.
To that end, I want to correct something I said in this post. I said there is no budget option for wedding attire, but there is. It’s called shopping your own closet—because there is no law that requires a new dress, unless, of course, you’re the bride. Even then, it’s debatable.
Last night, I took a new Talbots catalog to bed. I craved this green silk dupioni shirtdress for the wedding I’m attending Easter weekend. I also drooled over these matchy-matchy shoes to wear with another outfit I have. And then it hit me: I already have close facsimiles of these (and many other options) in my closet.
I don’t need them; I wanted them. Not buying them is part of a commitment I made earlier this year not only to buy less, but to buy vintage and second-hand whenever possible and to question every purchase. It also saved me $350 that I really can’t afford to spend right now. Everybody has a budget. Where’s the shame in that? There’s a new thought!
One of my good friends has lost a significant amount of weight by changing her thoughts about food. Rather than taking it as entertainment or comfort, she thinks of food as fuel. What’s a clever, uplifting thought that helps you avoid the pitfalls of an unhealthy attachment?
6 comments
March 20, 2013 at 10:06 pm
Well, you definitely don’t need to run out and buy any of those new items, your outfit is beautiful. I actually like the shoes you already own better than the ones you want.
This post came at a perfect time for me, I put two pairs of shoes on hold last night (which are definite wants over needs) and was just about to run and get them. I think I’m going to discipline myself for the time being. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
March 21, 2013 at 9:16 am
Crystal, you are so right on. We could say it’s the times we live in…so much of everything, that we convince ourselves we need (a lot of) it.
As an antiques dealer (and lifelong collector of antiques), this is certainly an issue I live with on a daily basis! I can do without that beautiful pale-lavender linen jacket at “wherever”, but the sweet little antique French table is something I absolutely and positively MUST HAVE. (And, as a dealer, I can always rationalize the urge by telling myself I will eventually sell it one day!)
If I didn’t have a personal policy of “If something new comes in the house, something else must be sold”, we’d be cramped for space and in the poor house. (That might be a good policy if you’re a clothes horse.)
Thanks for the reminder about the Gotta Have It urges. And now I NEED to check out that antique urn I saw somewhere…
April
March 21, 2013 at 10:39 am
Your dress is beautiful! You will be a stylish guest at the wedding!
March 21, 2013 at 11:45 am
Ah! thanks so much!
March 21, 2013 at 11:47 am
That “out with the old in with the new” approach is the only thing that keeps things under moderate control. When I think of how very little my parents had growing up, it makes me ashamed–and aware of how many blessings I have. Gratitude for me means being aware that I have no needs.
March 21, 2013 at 11:49 am
I know the feeling…part of the reason that we’re blogging is because we’re over the moon about fashion. There’s nothing wrong with having fun with it. I just have to watch myself to keep it well in check. So glad you found this a useful post! You’re a dear…