Flourishes: the survival accessory for life’s mundane and extraordinary trials
Autumn Fashion
Written by cjhammon in Books | Music | Art | Culture, Features, Life in Yesterday's Clothes, Style
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At first glance, this outfit says, “So what? Gingham blouse, denim jeans. What’s the big deal?”
On closer inspection, I hope you’ll see the flourishes that interested me: girly pleats on the blouse’s cuffs; enameled, floral buttons; and quirky shoes.
Everything here was thrifted, but I’m keenest on the shoes, Nanette Lepore for Keds. They were marked $99, but I got them on a clearance rack for $15. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had a pair of Keds quite like this.
On these outfit posts, I can hardly be anything other than who I am—and for the most part, that’s a plain vanilla kind of girl who loves flourished details.
I’m more convinced every day that it’s the flourishes in life that can help us survive all sorts of mundane, difficult things. To wit: for the past seven or eight years, my 86-year-old mother-in-law has been giving skilled, at-home nursing care for her husband in a situation that becomes more difficult each day. How does she do it?
Some of that is unknown to us, but Jane has a robust love for music, and she always has a song in her heart to make things better. At any given moment, she may break loose in a song lyric. I Can See Clearly Now when they locate Jerry’s missing reading glasses. Getting to Know You from The King and I, when checking to make sure he is dry and comfortable. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, while preparing his dinner plate. At bedtime, he rewards her with sweet gratitude: “Goodnight, Jane. I love you and thank you for all the things you do for me.” Come what may, he never seems to lose his charm.
Flourishes were also responsible for helping Hisham Matar’s father survive imprisonment by Gadhafi from 1990 to his death, a date the family never knew for certain. Matar wrote about searching for his father in Libya after the 2012 revolution in an April story for The New Yorker. From people who were imprisoned at the same time, Matar learned that his father frequently recited poetry, which delighted, comforted and entertained him and others—and by all accounts, kept him unbroken from the torture he endured.
In an interview with Fresh Air’s Terry Gross, Matar says he resisted his father’s attempts to entice him to memorize texts as a child. Now, he fully understands. “I think we misrepresent literature as some kind of sort of comfortable thing, that you sink into a nice comfortable chair, and you read a book, and nothing ever really changes in you. And you go on to the next book and so on,” Matar says. “And examples like this show you that actually literature is just far more fundamental. It’s about the makeup of our psychology. It becomes a kind of country for us and a kind of solace and friend at times, as it did, I think, for my father in those times.”
I hope I will have these things in my heart during times of great strife. What about you? What are the flourishes that help you manage through difficult times? What verses do you recommend as worthy of memorization? I’m connecting this post with my friends, Patti at Not Dead Yet Style and Bella at Citizen Rosebud.
Life is short. Wear the good stuff.
15 comments
Maureen said:
April 9, 2013 at 11:49 am
My family went through some conflict a few years ago, the specifics of which are unimportant. But one Christmas, while in the midst of it, my mom and her sister, my Auntie Linda, recited this (unprompted, unrehearsed, and one picked up when the other began…I’ve no idea who started it first):
“He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic , rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle and took him in!”
[From the poem “Outwitted” by Edwin Markham]
That pretty much summed up my mother’s philosophy. If you’re family, you’re family. You’re included. Doesn’t matter what you do, you’re still in. You’re forgiven.
She also used to quote Frost often (our native son, who spoke so eloquently the nothern New Englander’s psyche). From “The Death of the Hired Man”, this always resonated with my mother:
“Home is the place where, when you have to go there,
They have to take you in.”
I also quote Frost often.
Weirdly, as I write this, a version of “I was young when I left home” shuffled into my mix. The song is about being unable to return home…and the longing that creates.
Sue @ A Colourful Canvas said:
April 9, 2013 at 12:35 pm
Crystal, you look so fresh and sunny! The whimsical buttons and the pleated sleeves on your gingham shirt are genius. I love seeing design elements such as this.
For me, The Prayer of Saint Francis is very, very special. I have the first half in my memory bank, and after reading your post today, I look forward to memorizing the second half. As far as little flourishes that help me manage difficult times…well I’m not sure if this counts, but connecting with my four legged loves centers and grounds me like nothing else can.
Sue xo
Maureen said:
April 9, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Also, this is the second thing today that’s made me miss my mother terribly. She died of breast cancer 2 years ago in June, at age 64.
cjhammon said:
April 9, 2013 at 2:05 pm
I can see why you would miss her very much. Sounds like a remarkably wise woman. I can think of some places in my life where I could have and should have put the Outwitted poem to use…and still could. Thanks for sharing your verse with me. Big hug for my buddy from all the way over here in Indiana.
cjhammon said:
April 9, 2013 at 2:07 pm
Oh, you’re a dear, Sue. I like that prayer also! I have a wonderful book of meditations and that’s where I first learned that one. You lucky girl…I want a puppy, but I’m overruled here in my household!
Bella Q, The Citizen Rosebud said:
April 9, 2013 at 4:05 pm
You had me at gingham. And then I loved the sleeves. I call looks like this “Sleepers.” They creep up on you- then startle you with their brillance. Classic but quirky. Subtle and substantial. The Keds are pretty awesome too. Grey and play of color. More class, more quirk. Great deal.
Flourishes? I think my life is knitted by flourishes. For me it’s a kinetic connection, a visceral thing. I have a poor memory but can remember almost where almost all my trinkets came from, who, what and when. Surprising when it’s just a bowl of rocks, but I can recall who gave it and where they got it. I soften some rough edges of a day with a lifelong love of fine china. I have just unpacked some of my china collection- no room for it, so only a select handful can be kept, but I am comforted by a good cup of tea in a beautiful tea cup, and a spring bud in a blue and white porcelain vase.
cjhammon said:
April 9, 2013 at 7:15 pm
Another thing we have in common, Bella. I, too, have a weakness for china (and crystal). My brothers used to make fun of me for getting out the good dishes and drinking/eating from them, but I still do it from time to time. One thing that amazes me about china is how people discard it so freely! One of my elderly friends took hers to a consignment store and they had so much of it that they wouldn’t accept hers…I guess they don’t sell much of it! I am working on 3 samples of tea from Adagio? Ever try them? I love the way they sell tea in 2 ounce portions so I can splurge without splurging…You’re A sweet close to my day, Bella.
The Style Crone said:
April 9, 2013 at 8:18 pm
The flourishes and the details, in outfits and in life, make all the difference. Your flourishes are definitely special and the shoes are works of art.
trina said:
April 10, 2013 at 2:51 am
Beautiful, beautiful post. You are absolutely right about the details in that blouse, although I would have loved it just because its gingham but those buttons are priceless. As for your shoes, WOW those are some fun and joyful foot candy.
My flourishes? I have to be honest I always turn to the scriptures, they have always been and will most likely be my daily source of comfort. Years ago I began memorizing some of my favorites and will write bits and pieces on my mirror for a while. It brings a smile to my face when I wake up.
April said:
April 10, 2013 at 4:34 pm
“Where did you get those shoes,” she sang.
“Where did you get those shoes.
I’d like to have a pair like that
To go with my brand new Easter hat.”
In other words, I LOVE those shoes!!!
April, Just Verte Style
Elena said:
April 11, 2013 at 5:31 pm
These cute little details make the outfit super adorable!!!
http://dcinstyle.com/
cjhammon said:
April 12, 2013 at 9:29 am
Thank you, Elena! So nice of you to stop by!
cjhammon said:
April 12, 2013 at 9:29 am
Your words always make me smile, April!
cjhammon said:
April 12, 2013 at 9:30 am
Love the scripture idea! Very cool!
cjhammon said:
April 12, 2013 at 9:30 am
Thank you, Judith. You brighten my day!