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I’m going to say this in the plainest and shortest way I know how. I’m not against gay marriage. That puts me at odds with many, if not most, of my Christian brethren. That includes people I’m bound to in spirit and people I’m related to by blood.
When my home state, Indiana, lifted the ban on gay marriage this week, I couldn’t turn left or right without hearing about it. On Wednesday night, I was sitting in a church pew, where my friends worried about what it meant for their freedom of speech. On Thursday night, I had dinner with friends in a women’s golf league, where a significant percentage of the membership is gay. The mood there was nothing if not celebratory.
If you’re reading this as a Christian who is against gay marriage, you might wonder how I defend my neutrality. I’m not up to writing a tomb on the subject today, but I’ll give you a clue about my thinking.
Based on what I know of Jesus, he wasn’t all that interested in earthly laws. Even a beginning student of the Bible knows that His was a spiritual kingdom. His influence on our earthly laws is shown in fairness, otherwise known as due process. It is also recognizable in our moral standards for showing love and respect to all human beings.
Denying health care and other tangible benefits to people based on their sexual identities is not only the opposite of his example; it’s a form of bullying in a society that often considers these benefits a birthright. Nothing in the nature of Christ makes me think I can defend His name by rebuking or diminishing other people based on their sexual preferences.
We live in a country where religious freedom is protected by separation of church and state. It’ll take a lot more to overturn that than marriage rights for gay couples. Christians compromise nothing when they respect and/or show deference to gay families that are every bit as loving as their own.
God owns everything and everyone. What he says goes. I suspect that many an observant Christian may find himself on the outs with God for having too much enthusiasm for judging his neighbor and too little for examining himself.
Every week, many Christians accept communion with sin so deeply embedded in our lives that we can’t even see it, much less change it. We categorize ourselves as better or worse than our neighbors based on comparisons of sin. Socially acceptable traits like greed, envy and other matters of the heart are marginalized and never quite make it to the top of our reform list. That’s a warped point of view that can only be covered by God’s grace.
Is it possible that wanting so fervently to exclude gay people from legal rights other couples have is distracting us from our sins? Is it possible that some of us will need God’s grace for that? I think so.
I hate to imagine my life without the gifts of friendship, love and forgiveness I’ve received from gay friends, family and co-workers. Among them are the smartest, kindest, most loyal and talented people I know. Love them? You bet I do. Fervently. I don’t want any of my cherished people to be mistreated religiously, legally or otherwise.
You may not realize it, but someone you love is gay. What are you saying in their presence?
9 comments
Jackie (WritRams) said:
June 28, 2014 at 12:12 pm
So blessed to have seen this as one of the first things this morning. As a Christian, I could’ve written this post word-for-word myself. I OFTEN say something very similar to “Socially acceptable traits like greed, envy and other matters of the heart are marginalized and never quite make it to the top of our reform list. That’s a warped point of view that can only be covered by God’s grace.”
THANK YOU for standing up and saying what I’ve been struggling to put into words on my own blog.
bill musser said:
June 29, 2014 at 5:00 pm
As a Christian, I believe the Bible is Gods spoken word. All scripture speaks negatively of homosexual conduct. It is first addressed in Genesis, and Paul speaks on it in the New Testament in several books. That’s good enough for me, and not willing to stake my eternity by endorsing gay marriage.
Catie said:
July 16, 2014 at 9:26 pm
The Bible also says you should not wear any mixed fabrics, eat shellfish, and if your house has mold you cannot live in it. The Bible also says people should be stoned to death. Let me know when you actually start following the Bible word for word, and we can have a conversation about how you’re a better Christian than everyone else.
Linda said:
June 29, 2014 at 6:06 pm
Very much appreciate your thoughtful post. While I’m not gay I have friends, family and neighbors who are. When we get beyond our stereotypes and prejudices is when we find love, brotherhood and peace. Thank. Linda
Yvonne M. said:
June 29, 2014 at 8:22 pm
Beautifully said. From a Christian with a gay daughter that loves Jesus just as much as anyone else.
Catie said:
June 30, 2014 at 1:22 pm
Thank you for writing this. We need more Christians to speak out about this. I can’t tell you how proud I was when I heard the Presbyterian Church of America voted to change its constitution to recognize gay marriage. It was the church I was raised in and still identify with very strongly, even though I’m not a regular attendee. You made a very good point, which I hadn’t really thought about, that perhaps the fervent condemnation of homosexuality and gay marriage rights is perhaps a way to distract from other, more serious sins. It’s like many people have just given up on trying to fix the greatest problems we face. Murder, lying, greed, etc. are just seen as human nature. Some churches even preach in favor of greed (but they call it something else of course). I don’t want the world to forget that the roots of the Christian faith are unconditional love and acceptance, so thank you for being another voice on the matter.
Rachel said:
July 1, 2014 at 11:35 am
My problem with legalizing gay marriage, is that it is one more step in the normalization of perverted (according to the Bible) behaviors. We already condone fornication, divorce, greed, lust, and a multitude of other sins, a line should be drawn somewhere. Honestly, I am all for giving them the same rights, and even calling it marriage, if they would just stop normalizing and celebrating their sin. I am really tired of there being gay characters on every TV show. It IS (according to the Bible) a perverted sexual behavior, and I am genuinely afraid that making it a normal thing is going to result in more people going to hell, because rather than ignoring their sexual preference, or choosing celibacy, they will engage in a lifetime of wrong behavior. I know this is not a popular opinion, and I am not saying that I know for sure that homosexuals go to hell (I am not God) but 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind”) makes me think that there is a good chance they are. Unlike fornication (a sin just the same as any other, but MUCH to celebrated and accepted in our current society), homosexuals that are married are committing to continue to live in their sin for the rest of their lives. Most people stop fornicating and get married at some point (and hopefully don’t become adulterers), thereby being able to repent of the sin.
I do NOT hate gay people. I fear for them, and I fear what the acceptance of their behaviors will do to the moral fabric of our families. I love them, just as I love any one else, and I often pray for them to come to know God and make different choices in spite of their attractions. I think sin is something we should try NOT to do, not try to make it acceptable. Even if we get the whole world to agree that something isn’t sin, that doesn’t mean that God agrees, and his vote is the only one that matters when it comes to eternal salvation.
One more thing, unlike the majority of people that are anti-gay marriage, I do not believe that homosexuals choose their attraction. I do believe that they choose their behavior, just like any other person.
Just wanted to offer my perspective on the issue.
Catie said:
July 16, 2014 at 9:36 pm
I know that you don’t hate gay people, but the fact that you associate them with ‘perverted behavior’ is a very old way of looking at homosexuality. Are you talking about the perverted ways of child molesters? Because liking the same sex is NOT THE SAME as taking advantage of a person who does not have the emotional maturity to consent. Or are we talking about perverts who practice bestiality? Once again, that is illegal because animals cannot consent. Associating gays and lesbians with these illegal practices is horribly insulting. It’s like accusing all minorities of being criminals. And fearing for gay people because they’re going to ruin your family doesn’t make any sense. They’re not Mormans; they’re not banging on your door and forcing your children to wear drag. Your assumption that people only get married to have “perverted” sex is what’s going to ruin your family.
April Bumgardner said:
July 27, 2014 at 4:29 pm
How did I miss this post? Kudos to you on posting something so sensitive with such gentleness and understanding! Certainly, as Christians we must take Christ’s lead in treating others’ with respect. Even (or especially) those with whom we disagree.