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Can you be a minimalist and a collector of vintage things at the same time? This is the question that’s been broiling in my oven since I returned from Florida, feeling like a changed woman.
For most people, taking a break from daily life (or even just part of it) for a month isn’t realistic, but I had the chance, and I feel duty-bound to make the most of it.
I’m not going to lie: it was wonderful to be in a place where the sun shined practically every day for a month–doubly so because my parents were there to enjoy it with me. For 30 glorious days, life swung back and forth between two moving parts: my parents and my work. With other extracurricular obligations absent, I couldn’t help but notice how cluttered my life back home has become.
I saw my excesses for just what they are: vanities and insecurities. Even my blogging–or should I say especially my blogging—seemed like a trivial pursuit. I fell silent.
A line from an old Bonnie Raitt song captures my feelings best: “Life gets mighty precious when there’s less of it to waste.” It wasn’t my intention, but I’ve done a pretty thorough inventory of what matters most to me. Having lots of fabulous clothes and being “online popular” aren’t on the list.
What’s a fashion blogger to do when she loses her passion for fashion? Change. That’s what.
• When I returned home in February, I started by taking eight bags of clothing to Goodwill—and I’m not done yet. (Rest assured, my vintage collection is still perfectly in tact.)
• My volunteer commitments for the year are winnowed down to just two. That’s all I can reasonably handle with a full-time job, a part-time job plus three elderly parents I want to love and care for.
• In a move that’s unbearably difficult, I’ve started to very selectively say no to social opportunities that mean a lot to me. As much as I want to, I can’t be always available to others and still live a purposeful life. If I spend time with you, it means I really, really like you. If I don’t, it means I’m trying really hard to live by my priorities.
• I’m trading Things-That-Don’t-Matter-As-Much for Things-That-Matter-More. That means using time, money and space differently. (If anyone needs a great starting piano or just one you can enjoy a lot, check out mine. It’s for sale because I’m making room for important things.)
My tiny house dream? Another vanity. Perhaps I’ll buy a tiny house on wheels one day. But for now, I have to acknowledge that I already have a tiny house and it’s much too full. And how did it get that way? The answer to that question is calling me to change.
By necessity, I feel the need to change things up in my blogging, too. (If you’d rather not be along for the ride when a regular blogger goes off the rails, or you’re just bored by a long soliloquy, now would be a good time to deboard this train.)
For a long time, I’ve been a little confused about the value proposition herein. What’s in it for you to follow my blog? I couldn’t answer the question.
Oh, I could say all the usual things: that it’s a lifestyle blog, that I contribute social commentary and forgotten history, that it’s part of a personal brand, that I compare and analyze stuff related to fashion, that it lets me practice other forms of writing than I can in my day job. Well, I did do these things sometimes, but honestly, those responses sound like poppycock to me.
A sidenote: I don’t want you to think I’m a dolt about branding: I work in marketing, and I get it. Unfortunately, the concept of branding as it applies to people is becoming passé in my worldview. Rather than following the edicts of a society that’s hooked on branding, I wonder if we might be better people if we just got over ourselves.
It is not sustainable for the whole world to be bent on a mission that says, “Look at me. Look at my life. Look at my family. Look what I’m doing.” A life of meaningful service—that seems both authentic and sustainable to me.
A blogger’s dilemma
I am not against fashion blogging as a pursuit that’s fun and even educational for people who want to learn how to put themselves together or challenge themselves to greater creativity in the way they dress. Celebrating fashion as art and story—yes, this is good.
Too often, I fear that I have not done either of these things. I’m happy to have shared some stories of people I love and admire. But I’m also embarrassed that I fell so readily into the trap of doing easy, conventional things in the push to generate regular content.
One of the worst things we can do to ourselves is to believe our own lies. I know my own lies. I am not a brand. I am a person. Yes, I love fashion, but it is not the center of my world or who I am.
For all these reasons and more, I’m rethinking the sort of content I share here, and how often I’ll share it. I can promise you that posts of me wearing something unique and wonderfully vintage will appear rarely, if ever.
Meanwhile, I want to let faithful readers, supporters and friends know that I’m working on things that are more closely aligned with my purpose for living. I’ll keep you posted about those as they progress, but for now, don’t be surprised if you hear from me less often while I rearrange a few things that matter most.
Despite my occasional delusions, this has always been a personal blog, but never more so than it is today. Thanks for following this soul-baring post. I’ve made some fabulous friends through personal blogging and I find joy in knowing that we understand each other. Just like me—you’re a person; not a brand or a product. I hope you’re preserving time money and space for people and things that matter most to you!
18 comments
Melanie Bingham said:
February 16, 2015 at 9:03 pm
I enjoyed this, friend. I’ll be tuning in! I love you, and I so loved your trip to FL and the time I was blessed to spend with you.
Holly said:
February 16, 2015 at 9:22 pm
Thanks. You (not your brand) inspire me more than you realize.
cjhammon said:
February 17, 2015 at 2:54 pm
Ah, Holly, that’s a high compliment. Thank you so much.
Gayna A Dupont said:
February 17, 2015 at 8:02 am
Hello. I am an almost sixty woman and your blog resonated with me as I read it over and over. It is beautifully expressive and hit me right where I have been, but didn’t know it. I have struggled to remain relevant as younger and younger folks become my colleagues and superiors. Rather than being seen as the washed up old lady, i have felt that I have to obtain a “brand” and have spent thousands ensuring my clothes are current, etc. I have recently been sidelined due to surgery which has kept me out of work. Not a glorious time, but nonetheless time for reflection. I have arrived at the same conclusion! I still love what I love, but I think my epiphany is to do what pleases me and not what I think is hip or what will keep me “noticed.” Thank you for the post. I really do hope you will continue to blog and bring us along as we all try to become truer to our own selves and determine what it is that really matters.
cjhammon said:
February 17, 2015 at 3:00 pm
What a thoughtful response. How happy it makes me that my feelings are shared–that I’m not a freak. Yes, doing what you love and what matters–it’s everything.
Otherwise we end up with someone else’s life…and have you ever noticed that when you TRY to be cool, there’s like an automatic radar that goes off that
you are decidely NOT cool? Bravo to you for defining your own life by your standards. Thank you for following, too!
Bella Q said:
February 17, 2015 at 10:59 am
Ah, Crystal, as usual I can all too well relate to your post. I’ve been bored out of my head with fashion and fashion blogging, although I will forever love a good frock, and the creative act of dressing. And I’ve met some incredible people in this vain pursuit, learned some valuable (often humbling, sometimes painful) things.
But I am more than the dull grind of outfit posts, and my interests bleed past the outlines of the narcissistic warblings of fashion blogging. And I’m tired of being all about me me me, read only by others that are about them them them.
I’m excited you are moving forward, and dare I say it, being true to yourself not coloring yourself inside the rigid frame of a braind? Glad you are keeping a blog, but are moving into other areas of discussion. I’ll be faithfully subscribed and eagarly awaiting your posts whatever the topic.
cjhammon said:
February 17, 2015 at 3:03 pm
Bella, you’re just the best. Thank you for being such a great and supportive friend to me. You’re one of a kind–keep living it, girl!
Linda said:
February 17, 2015 at 12:27 pm
Crystal: I am glad you titled this “this is not goodbye”. I don’t know how I stumbled on your blog but it is one of my “go to” reads…I wondered what was up when you hadn’t written in awhile and I’m glad to hear it was a contemplative period for you (with sun!)
Please continue to write. I find your posts thought provoking and inspirational. I’m glad I found you!
cjhammon said:
February 17, 2015 at 3:05 pm
Well, how fun to learn that I have regular readers! Don’t you sometimes wonder when you send these posts out into the world whether anyone knows or cares?
It makes me oh-so-happy to hear that anything I said inspired someone like you, Linda. Many thanks for commenting and reading!
Laura H said:
February 17, 2015 at 12:57 pm
I have followed your blog more for you insightful writing than your sharing of fashion. I am looking forward to following your journey of change. In reality, that is what life is, a journey of change. You put words to the issues that many of us face in our lives. The accumulations of things, worldly endeavors and causes that don’t enrich our lives (and therefore, we don’t enrich the lives of others by doing). Thanks for your openly sharing this new phase of your life.
cjhammon said:
February 17, 2015 at 3:06 pm
Hi, Laura. It’s just lovely to hear that you read along. One never knows what happens when a post goes out!
Your words frame the problem so very well. I sure miss seeing you!
Melanie said:
February 17, 2015 at 1:55 pm
This post resonates strongly with me. Lately more than ever I have found out how to get looks, but that somehow makes me question why I feel that’s important. It’s not what’s on my back that should be interesting; it’s what’s inside that counts. While I feel pressure to get life points by how much people look, my eyes are turning more inwards lately. It’s a good thing. A great thing!
I’m happy you’re finding your focus. I have always enjoyed your outfit photos, but I understand why you’re cutting back. Thanks for sharing all of this.
cjhammon said:
February 17, 2015 at 3:08 pm
Wow, what a compliment. Isn’t it interesting the good that can come from being honest? I should have done this sooner, I think. Don’t you ever stop with your outfit posts. They are art.
Just hang onto YOU in the process.
Sandy H said:
February 17, 2015 at 6:00 pm
Oh, Crystal…little did you know what a month in the sun would do for you! I’m really proud of you. One thing I admire about you is that when you really feel a change needs to be made, you actually do it! I can’t always say the same for myself. Thank you for sharing yourself, my brave friend!
cjhammon said:
February 23, 2015 at 6:12 pm
Sandy, you are the kindest soul in the world! Thank you for being so supportive both in word and in deed. The proof of the change will be in the pudding, as they say. We’ll celebrate together if we can really pull it off!’See you soon!
Sue @ A Colourful Canvas said:
February 22, 2015 at 2:38 am
Ah, similar thoughts swirling in my noggin’ these days too. Of course, the difference being that you write on the subject with eloquence….my mind is a jumble of…well, just a jumble really. Thanks for sharing Crystal! I realize that it’s time that I give this very subject some deeper contemplation.
cjhammon said:
February 23, 2015 at 6:11 pm
Hi, Sue. How kind and supportive your remarks are. It’s been so interesting to hear from others who are going through the same thing…it’s a cultural norm to be overscheduled, don’t you think? So glad the piece
resonated with you. Hope 2015 is off to a fabulous start. I enjoy your work so much!
The Style Crone said:
March 1, 2015 at 6:39 pm
I’m happy to hear that you’re continuing to blog, although with a changed focus. You speak of the issues that run through my brain, as I contemplate how to move forward.